There’s been a voice developing in my head over the past year. This voice takes shards of my day and polishes and smoothes until it’s something I don’t mind putting in my window....souvenirs of my motherhood adventure. A toddler meltdown over a popsicle that in the moment makes me want to bang my head against the refrigerator door turns into a funny story that reminds me how far we’ve come from middle of the night feedings. And when I really tune into the voice, I often find insight into God and His love for me. This blog is the recording studio for that voice. My hope is that the souvenirs of my day serve as entertainment and encouragement to those of you who are banging your head against a refrigerator door. And that you’re inspired to find a voice of your own that turns these trying moments into treasured souvenirs.

Thursday, March 3, 2016

When faced with the question, "Why?".....



Life has been hard recently.  My Grandma died, my back is causing me excruciating pain, and with a 10th anniversary trip to Hawaii on the horizon, my remaining Grandma is in the hospital and not expected to recover.  Pain is such a big part of my life right now, both physically and emotionally.  But life goes on, especially when you’re a mama.  So I hobble into preschool drop-off, grit my teeth in the carpool line, and cry at the littlest thing, whether happy or sad.  


Part of life going on is a weekly playdate with a friend.  Every Wednesday from 4-7 is spent at her house or mine, letting the kids play while we get down to the business of sharpening each other into better women.  So I pulled up the shades and let her peer into my pain.  And then she did the same, having recently received devastating news about her daughter with special needs.  We shed tears together.  We cried out, “Why?” in mourning.  Then I breathed truth into her situation.  Her daughter, despite cognitive ability, is a ray of light in this world.  She is overflowing with joy, which God is using and will continue to use.  My sweet friend breathed truth into my pain.  We mourned a little more, then poured some wine and moved on to the business of cooking dinner before the kids initiated a riot out of hunger.


God is so faithful to provide what we need in every trial.  He’s provided the presence of dear friends to help ease my pain.  And he also provided a sermon on Sunday that had my name on it.  Finding happiness in the midst of suffering……yep, pretty sure that one is for me!  It was like applying salve on wounds to hear that asking “Why?” is a perfectly normal reaction to hardship.  We have all sorts of examples of this in scripture, the most powerful being Jesus crying out from the cross, “My God, my God. Why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46).  


Unfortunately, there is no answer for the “Why?” question in scripture.  So we have to make the choice to either become stuck in the “Why?” or move on and ask better questions like “Who?”  Who is there for us in our suffering?  We’re given the answer with sweet words from Psalms: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”  (Psalms 34:18)  God so often uses people to do His work, and I could immediately identify God’s love for me in the people who have encouraged and lifted me up through this difficult time.  


In addition to “Who?” another better question to ask is “What?”  What does God want to accomplish through this pain?  Sometimes we have immediate perspective, and sometimes it takes time and faith to answer this question.  God specializes in turning lemons into lemonade.  One of the most forlorn figures in all of scripture (and maybe all time) is Job.  He suffered the loss of every one of his children, all of his material possessions, and even his health.  Through his loss and suffering, he held tight to his faith in God.  The “What?” of his story was experiencing greater blessing throughout the second part of his life than he had experienced in the first part, before the suffering started. Not to mention the fact that Job has been a beacon of hope and understanding for everyone who has suffered since.  


I am so grateful to have wonderful people walking with me through the valley, but even more grateful for the knowledge of how to walk through a valley without losing my faith.   My girlfriend and I paused to mourn and ask “Why?”  And then we moved on to the “What?” and could immediately identify glimmers of God’s purpose, which soothed our wounds and gave us the strength to make it to next Wednesday when hopefully we’ll have less mourning and more laughing.  Amen.  Let it be!

Check out the sermon that inspired this post:  

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