Remembering a Wonderful Woman

I had the honor of giving a eulogy for my Grandma Erb this week  I rehearsed on the drive from Colorado to Iowa, determined to keep my emotions at bay during the service.  My Aunt Brenda encouraged my cousins to take bets on my speech, and the odds didn't seem in my favor.  My weakness was apparent, which is where God thrives.  I made it on and off the stage without falling and was able to share the entire story without breaking down into a ball of tears.  Whew:-)

A hurricane hit Clearwater Beach two weeks ago.  It wasn’t featured on the national news or even the local news for that matter.  The hurricane (or stroke if you’re a stickler for medical terminology) hit my Grandma Erb with a force that reached all the way to Colorado and took my breath away.  I had just seen her at Christmas.  She was so full of life and stories.....Having recently heard of a gender reveal party, she declared that she had “seen it all” and that there couldn’t be anything more ridiculous!  It seems I was just swinging with her on the patio.  A Fareway grocery bag full of freshly picked green beans was nestled between us.  We both worked away at snapping them while she leaned over and shared snippits of gossip with me as if I were her lifelong girlfriend.  

I wasn’t always so close to my Grandma Erb, which was surprising since I grew up a mile down the road in the house that she grew up in, and I spent a large portion of my formative years at her house.  There were lots of toys and treats, but as I grew older, and more girly, I couldn’t identify with this woman who put practicality above style.  She would tug the comb through my long, tangled hair.  She never bought my birthday present from the stylish kids’ store in town.  She was a wonderful grandmother, but I didn’t feel I had much in common with her.  

The years passed and I became a wife and a mother.  Grandma still sported the same knit tops, seasonal vinyl table cloths on her kitchen table, and a twenty-year-old geranium that she kept going year round.  We were visiting Iowa and had big news to share.  Our family would be growing by two—TWINS!  Having birthed twins of her own, Grandma’s reaction to the news was to burst into laughter and declare that she would NEVER want to do that again!  Little did I know that this brash statement was the point where my heart would finally converge with hers.  

I had three boys in 22 months and six weeks later we moved across the country.  Life was hard.  Grandma had three stair-step boys, and then surprise twins!  She couldn’t figure out why canning was so hard that summer, until it was time to deliver and they discovered a bonus baby.  Grandpa worked midnights at a factory and farmed during the day.  Grandma was raising five kids virtually on her own.  Her life was hard.  She didn’t mince words with me.  “I did it, so you can do it too.”  And she was right.  I discovered a strength and resolve in myself that assured me I had received more than Grandma’s “twin” gene.  

The difficult days of mothering shook lose the superfluous parts of me.  I began to understand this practical Grandmother of mine.  She raised six children and multiple foster children in a house with one bathroom.  She lived her entire life on a farm.  Her childhood memories included the great depression.  World War 2 was the reality of her teenage years.  All of these striped Grandma of the traits that weren’t truly her.  She was simply the woman God created her to be.  A woman who worked harder and loved her family more than anyone else I know.  

Grandma’s work ethic was always  beyond reproach.  Just this last Christmas, she made potato salad, sloppy joe’s and sewit pudding for 50.  She was constantly canning, freezing, knitting, embroidering, and feeding. Her house was always busy with grandkids looking for fun and snacks, and farmers coming in for a glass of ice tea and a bit of neighborhood gossip.  Things slowed down a bit as the grandkids grew up, and farmers retired.  But there’s a standing pizza party on Friday nights, and the patio continues to be a gathering place on summer evenings.  

And so my mind is spinning and I catch my breath.  This woman, who has been a matriarch of steel for our family, has been called to her new home in heaven.  Our entire family is trying to grasp this as reality.  It doesn’t seem possible that my strong, outspoken Grandma who just hosted the entire family for Christmas is now no longer among us.  What could God’s plan be in all of this? 

I’ve been studying the book of Daniel recently.  Daniel 2:21-22 reminds us that God “changes the times and the seasons.  He sets up kings and deposes them.  He brings wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning.  He reveals the meaning of deep and hidden things.  He knows what lies in darkness and light dwells with him.”   Daniel was no stranger to heartbreak and uncertainty.  He was taken prisoner from his homeland by the conquering Babylonians as a teenager, yet his faith in God remained intact.  We use flannel boards to teach our children his story because he trusted God despite a future that appeared dismal.  

My heart questions the timing of Grandma’s death.  Although she was 87 years old, it seems too early for her to be taken from us.  And I’m faced with the choice to question or to have faith in a God that created such a wonderful woman.  So I’m choosing to dig deep and find the genes of determination I inherited from her, and to use them to hold onto my faith.  

As my heart catches up to my mind’s knowledge of God’s perfect timing, it helps to remember of how fiercely independent Grandma was.  It brought her joy to serve her family.  It brought her joy to live in her own home, rocking in her favorite chair.  She loved to eat lunch at the Whistlestop.  She looked forward to her weekly breakfast with lifelong girlfriends.  She loved outings to see Christmas lights or to eat at the best café two counties over.  She was constantly traveling to visit friends in Chicago, family in Branson, or the beach in Florida.  Her face lit up every time one of her children or grandchildren stopped in for a visit.  She loved conversation…..And suddenly I catch a glimpse of God’s love for Grandma, and His perfect timing in taking her home to be with Him.  She never had to give up these things she loved so dearly.  

This realization helps assure me that God is in control.  His promise in Jeremiah 29:11 is to prosper us and not to harm us, to give us hope and a future.   Wouldn’t it be something if each of us chose to live out a future that shines the best parts of Grandma into the world?   Her devotion to her husband; her determination; her no-complaints work ethic; her unconditional love of family and friends.  It seems the perfect way to honor a woman who gave us so much.  The hurricane has passed and it’s time for the sun to shine again, through each of us.